Don't you send me to vm
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
