it was like his penis was on wheels.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
