Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
