i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
