Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
