I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
