my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
