I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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