So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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