Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
