pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
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