foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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