WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
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