if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
there is glitter all over my balls
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
