my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
