New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
it's not cheating when I paid for it
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
