I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Randomize
