K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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