Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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