the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Randomize