dude i'm inner monologue high
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
