she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
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