he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
love makes seman taste better
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
