Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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