Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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