I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
