I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
