everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
