Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
