i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
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