new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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