I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize