So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
me + whiskey = a bad person
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
