my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
