Responsibility does not care about your dick.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Randomize
