i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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