Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I'm just crazy horny about you
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize