who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
