they need to just BURY HIM!
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
