beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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