Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
