there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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