booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Randomize
