Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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