At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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