Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize