Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
