Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
