My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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