Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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