Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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