I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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