omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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