I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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