My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize