We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
