I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
