I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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