Porn is love you can see.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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