Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
