he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I need to align my fucking chakras
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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