My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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