I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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