Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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