This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
this is an emotional support booty call
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
