Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize