Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
