remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
