I'm passing your future prison.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
We just shotgunned beers for America
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
