i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize