Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I understand Curling. That high.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
