she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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