I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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