He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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