Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
