my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Randomize
