I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
